attach//detach

There's something about this mess..

I secretly enjoy when my room is an a messy state, as it is now

 clothes strewn across the floor, desk completely jumbled with dishes, candles, things that I don't even know are there,

It holds potential

I love doing the massive clean up, because I find things I've been looking for
Sure it would be more convenient to just know where they are all the time
but then there's not that little spark of excitement that I get when I discover a lost item

many times I forget the item was even lost.

I can never bring myself to hang up clothes after i've taken them off - I don't know why



I have so much STUFF
JUST ALL THESE THINGS!

I want to rid myself of all these material possesions, I need a lesson in detachment,
but I'm very attached to these physical objects.

Objects hold such strong memories, they're a physical chunk of a time in my life.
Like scars that remind me of something, these things let me know that the past actually happened.
But in the end, that's what I'm trying to overcome
this obsession with the past, with my personal past

I want to stop desiring to live in a younger time.

The funny thing is, I've never really been that happy at any one time
In the present I wish that I could exist in times that weren't even much better

you see the past through rose-tinted glasses they say, and how true it is

every wave of nostalgia is an ache

I'm being pulled simultaneously into the past and toward the future
I think that's why the pain arises
I'm being stretched too thin